The art of talking on the phone is back

The Conversation: The Age of the Internet and the Rise of the Number of Young People Calling & Getting Closer to Family and Friends

The views expressed in the commentary are solely those of the writers. The Conversation is a collaboration between journalists and academics which is being showcased by CNN. The content is produced by The Conversation.

Some people might remember the days of coming back from school eager to call a friend, sometimes sitting for hours talking about anything and everything. Young people rarely call each other. The very idea of calling someone or receiving a call seems to cause anxiety in many.

It is not likely that Alexander Graham Bell imagined how his invention would change over time. What started out as a wired medium for a voice conversation is now wireless and mobile, used to transmit written messages, photographs and access the internet.

The changing use of the phone is good for young people because they can now communicate with people around the globe in less time than before.

Mental ill-health, including anxiety and depression, is on the rise among young adults despite how connected we are. They were also one of the groups who felt most lonely as a result of the pandemic.

Source: https://www.cnn.com/2023/02/14/health/young-people-phone-calls-trust-loneliness-wellness-partner/index.html

On the importance of communicating in real time – How to avoid loneliness and build trust with a friend or family member on a phone call

They could have used their phones to make live calls. It might have. We feel good when we talk on the phone, and it goes on after we’ve hung up.

Quality not quantity of calls is what is important, and that support of meaningful relationships with significant others can improve well-being.

The largest loneliness study in history was conducted by the British Broadcasting Corporation and found that 40% of young people were lonely. This might seem like an alarming finding, but Cacioppo’s theory suggests that there may be a window of opportunity to alleviate loneliness and keep it at bay before it becomes harmful.

Dialogue in real time allows us to clarify things, create opportunities to ask questions and listen, as well as sharing knowledge and ideas with one another. The benefits of being present with another can help with solving problems and reducing misunderstandings which can be seen as social rejection.

Many of us have had the experience of getting the tone or intention of a text confused, which has sent us into a bit of a tailspin. It is difficult to determine what someone is talking about on a phone call. If you do, it is easy to ask for clarification.

When we make calls, we pick up cues through the rhythm of the voice, the way it rises and falls, which can help us feel safe, build trust and create warm and cozy feelings that can support the nervous system.

Positive conversation can enhance trust when our body chemistry changes and we are able to create love and cortisol.

The rhythm of a voice affects what is said more than the content of it. According to the psychologist Albert Mehrabian, when a person is communicating at an emotional level, such as on a phone call, 38% of the communication is credited to the effects of vocal quality and 7% to the content of what is being said.

It can be nice to see a friend or family member in their own environment during a video call. It may help you to be more connected because it will make you see facial expressions and laughter more easily.

The element of surprise that comes from an impromptu call may appeal to you and your friend. However, if someone does not answer or cannot talk bear in mind that it’s just not the right time for them. They may be busy with family or shopping. Send a text if you want to avoid this, asking a friend or family member if they are available to talk later.

You may like talking on the phone, and have lots of ideas. Or you may prefer in advance of the call to jot down a few ideas of what you would like to talk about. This will make sure you don’t forget things, or just avoid moments where you might be thinking about what to say.

If you want the focus to be less on the talk, but still make a social connection why not try something like a video call while simultaneously playing a video game with a friend or watching something. The game or show will control the talk so that it can be about what you want to talk about.

Adulthood, But Better: The Connections Between Women and Men in the Context of Talking On-the-Phone Wellness

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My mom was on her phone all the time when I was a child and she was with her grandma, aunt, and best friends.

There was a daily circuit of female communication that kicked off sometime right after breakfast. There were regular check-ins and gossip fests as a result of the advice Oprah and Phil gave out.

There must have been a life- threatening emergency or someone had died, so a text was enough. It felt considerate. It’s familiar. Direct. I used to use a keyboard to communicate.

Then the pandemic took over, and my world closed in. In 2020 many Americans stayed home, which made my circle too small. I didn’t listen to my mom’s voice, even as a card-carrying introvert.

How often do we wish Mom would take care of us? The pandemic made physical contact nearly impossible, but I still felt cared for through our conversations.

Finding a sense of shared well-being through conversations that forge strong bonds can be especially true for women. “When women feel socially connected and supported, they are not only better equipped to cope with challenges, pursue their goals, and enjoy a higher quality of life, but also to improve the lives of everyone they are connected with,” said Kristjan Archer, a senior communications consultant at Gallup, in a March 8 blog post.

Most of the people I connected with, most of them were born in the 1960s or earlier, discovered many benefits of voice- to-voice contact.

Source: https://www.cnn.com/2023/03/28/health/talking-on-the-phone-wellness/index.html

How Do You Get What You Want to Eat? Tell Me Why You Shouldn’t Eat When You Can, and How to Make Your Phone Call

Tone is lost in texting. How often are relationships severed or at least damaged over a text miscommunication? Someone is trying to be funny or sarcastic, and the little emoji they’ve snuck in at the end of their text doesn’t convey their emotion properly, and suddenly Aunt Margaret’s side of the family has decided to skip your Thanksgiving celebration this year.

It’s also beneficial to have a conversation that’s wandering. We had a lot of time during the lock down. If you have the luxury of time, letting a conversation meander can be a beautiful thing. I learned a lot about my parents, my childhood and other things during our phone chats.

During one summer phone call, my dad, a Vietnam veteran who has never wanted to discuss his experience there, found out from my mom that I’d been binge-watching Ken Burns’ docuseries “The Vietnam War,” and jumped on the phone to discuss it with me. For the first time in my memory, my dad shared anecdotes from his time in the US Navy aboard the aircraft carrier where he spent the war.

I started saving up stories to share on our weekly calls and making notes of questions to ask later. I started to schedule more phone calls with my siblings and my friends who live in different states, sometimes video chatting so I could see their faces.

I may be making the switch sound as if it was an easy transition, but I had phone anxiety and it took practice. I didn’t have to talk to anyone about making appointments and reservations online. And when my phone rang, no matter who it was, spam or relative, I would freeze up.

Start with other people. Scheduling doctor’s appointments, calling your kid’s school and ordering takeout are all situations where the other person needs to be patient and professional with you. You aren’t an inconvenience calling the restaurant down the street because you are contributing to its business. Take a deep breath and make the call if you have a notepad and pen close by.

Write it down. The tip was given to me by my 12-year-old, who is used to ordering at restaurants with ease but can be nervous when she is asked to read aloud. If you need to make an appointment, it is a good idea to write down the things you need in advance. I used to write down my character’s names when I would call about my books because when I’m jittery, I forget everything.

Be honest. I was honest with myself and those I was talking to. I explained that I’m rusty on phone calls but wanted to make a concerted effort to be more present and keep in touch. They were willing to do the same if I were willing to make the effort. That’s the thing about talking on the phone. They can hear how much I meant it.